*published June 3, 2009
BY VANESSA C. DEGGINS
Cameron Parish officials are scratching their heads over a FEMA announcement that puts a storage shed in Holly Beach but leaves the chance of rebuilding damaged schools up in the air.
On Tuesday, Cameron Parish officials — along with those of other coastal parishes — participated in a conference call with the Federal Emergency Management Agency.
In it, a FEMA public affairs officer read a cryptic letter that heralded great strides in resolving the high-velocity zone situation, said Cameron Parish Administrator Tina Horn.
“The letter wasn’t really clear,” Horn said. “And after the reading, they (the public affairs officer) couldn’t answer any specific questions about our parishes.”
A preliminary FEMA map puts about 80 percent of Cameron Parish in a v-zone placement that would prevent the parish from receiving federal funding to rebuild.
Both U.S. Sens. Mary Landrieu and David Vitter sent out news releases praising Tuesday’s progress.
Landrieu listed six of 34 projects that had been stopped but that now have a green light for funding. The projects are in Cameron, Orleans, Jefferson, Plaquemines and St. Tammany parishes.
They comprise three buildings in Grand Isle State Park, a guardhouse in the South Shore Harbor, a radio tower in the Pass-a-Loutre Wildlife Management Area and a “maintenance unit,” or storage shed, in Holly Beach.
The Landrieu release said the projects account for $366,000 — out of the $33 million in 28 remaining projects.
Vitter’s news release called this an “important, positive step forward for communities in Grand Isle and Cameron Parish.”
He said the he would meet next week with Craig Fugate, the newly confirmed FEMA head. Neither Vitter nor an aide was available for comment late Tuesday.
“It sounds like they just took care of state projects,” Horn said, echoing criticisms made on the conference call that there was no local input. “We are the ones on the ground who have to deal with this. Why didn’t they talk to us first?”
In Cameron Parish, Horn said, the most important projects are getting Johnson Bayou and South Cameron high schools rebuilt.
Right now, the parish can only get money to repair the schools, but School Superintendent Stephanie Rodrigue has expressed a desire to rebuild both schools to federal elevation standards.
Rodrigue said she considers it a waste to rebuild schools to lower elevations when they could just flood or be destroyed again.
“And we don’t want our children in temporary buildings for another year,” Horn said.
Marni Goldberg, with Landrieu’s office, said the 28 remaining projects may be approved by the end of the week, but she could offer no timetable for the v-zone issue.
State Sen. Dan “Blade” Morrish agreed with Horn that public input must be sought and that the coastal parishes must be able to rebuild.
“You have people rebuilding on Bolivar island (a peninsula near Galveston Island) right now,” Morrish said. “And the new hurricane season is here, and we’re still in limbo.”
Horn said Mark Cooper with the state emergency preparedness office had been pushing for a hearing with Fugate by the first week of June, but said she remains unaware of a specific date.
original article: http://bit.ly/uggVv
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Video: Easter Egg Hunt
published April 10, 2009
This is one of my video only projects. A easter egg hunt wouldn't warrant a full story in the paper, but it sure is fun to watch these kids. :)
The thumbnail links to the American Press web site.
Scenes from the 21st Annual Community Easter Egg Hunt at Millennium Park
This is one of my video only projects. A easter egg hunt wouldn't warrant a full story in the paper, but it sure is fun to watch these kids. :)
The thumbnail links to the American Press web site.
Scenes from the 21st Annual Community Easter Egg Hunt at Millennium Park
Law not above gas hikes
COST OF ENFORCEMENT: Agencies budgets stretched by rising fuel prices
BY VANESSA C. DEGGINS
*published May 11, 2008
Local law enforcement agencies are riding the gasoline wave and just hoping not to wipe out.
As prices shoot up, they have to estimate how much gas prices will rise for the next year’s budget.
“There are so many factors when it comes to deciding gas prices,” said Sheriff Tony Mancuso. “We just have to increase our estimates and hope the price doesn’t go over that.”
Calcasieu Sheriff’s Office
Mancuso said the Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office budgeted for gas up to $3.50 a gallon, and as prices edge above that, he said they can only watch and wait until the end of the 2008 fiscal year in June.
This year, the Sheriff’s Office has budgeted $1.8 million for their 350-vehicle fleet’s fuel, up from $1.3 million the previous year.
The fleet’s vehicles range from marked and unmarked Ford Crown Victorias for detectives and patrollers to Chevrolet Silverado trucks for the marine division and livestock patrol.
LC Police Department
Increasing fuel costs have also backed other law enforcement agencies into a corner.
“We can’t buy smaller vehicles, because the equipment wouldn’t fit, and we can’t cut back on patrols,” said Sgt. Mark Kraus of the Lake Charles Police Department. “We’re supposed to go to the public, not make them come to us.”
The Lake Charles Police Department has $526,000 budgeted for gas this fiscal year. Last year, the LCPD spent $516,000 on gas.
If the LCPD sees that it will go over budget, it would have to make an amended budget and send it to the City Council for approval.
The LCPD has a fleet rate set on the FuelMan gas cards each officer carries.
“This saves us between six and eight cents per gallon,” Kraus said.
State Police efforts
Recently appointed Louisiana State Police Superintendent Col. Michael Edmonson said he came into office in January with gas costs as a priority.
State Police Troop D budgeted $183,166 for gasoline last year and will spend more than that by this year’s end.
Edmonson said he has tried to make every level of personnel aware of the increases. He tightened use of departmental vehicles to only work-related travel, such as patrol and going to court cases.
“We also have troopers focusing on problem areas in each parish instead of only general patrolling,” Edmonson said.
His largest planned change is the concept of parish troopers based in a rural parish’s sheriff’s office.
Rather than having them drive to the troop headquarters every day, which can be up to 80 miles in rural areas, for daily troop meetings, parish troopers would report to troop headquarters about every two weeks.
Equipment issues
All law enforcement agency leaders are hearing the complaint about why they use gas-guzzling cars like Crown Victorias and sport utility vehicles.
The vehicles used are selected because they are the most reliable for law enforcement, they say.
The Crown Victoria, Chevrolet Tahoe and Dodge Charger are “pursuit-rated” vehicles, meaning they are deemed suitable for highspeed pursuit and emergency driving.
This is determined by annual tests done by the Michigan State Police.
The Michigan State Police Precision Driving Unit uses Chrysler Motors’ Vehicle Testing Grounds just outside of Detroit to test things like acceleration time, top speed, emergency handling and braking capabilities of various vehicles.
The tests, funded by Chrysler, Ford and General Motors, are done on a twomile test track of hills, curves and corners.
The only other agency that conducts this level of tests is the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department’s Annual Law Enforcement Vehicle Test and Evaluation Program.
original article: http://bit.ly/82rj8Q
BY VANESSA C. DEGGINS
*published May 11, 2008
Local law enforcement agencies are riding the gasoline wave and just hoping not to wipe out.
As prices shoot up, they have to estimate how much gas prices will rise for the next year’s budget.
“There are so many factors when it comes to deciding gas prices,” said Sheriff Tony Mancuso. “We just have to increase our estimates and hope the price doesn’t go over that.”
Calcasieu Sheriff’s Office
Mancuso said the Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office budgeted for gas up to $3.50 a gallon, and as prices edge above that, he said they can only watch and wait until the end of the 2008 fiscal year in June.
This year, the Sheriff’s Office has budgeted $1.8 million for their 350-vehicle fleet’s fuel, up from $1.3 million the previous year.
The fleet’s vehicles range from marked and unmarked Ford Crown Victorias for detectives and patrollers to Chevrolet Silverado trucks for the marine division and livestock patrol.
LC Police Department
Increasing fuel costs have also backed other law enforcement agencies into a corner.
“We can’t buy smaller vehicles, because the equipment wouldn’t fit, and we can’t cut back on patrols,” said Sgt. Mark Kraus of the Lake Charles Police Department. “We’re supposed to go to the public, not make them come to us.”
The Lake Charles Police Department has $526,000 budgeted for gas this fiscal year. Last year, the LCPD spent $516,000 on gas.
If the LCPD sees that it will go over budget, it would have to make an amended budget and send it to the City Council for approval.
The LCPD has a fleet rate set on the FuelMan gas cards each officer carries.
“This saves us between six and eight cents per gallon,” Kraus said.
State Police efforts
Recently appointed Louisiana State Police Superintendent Col. Michael Edmonson said he came into office in January with gas costs as a priority.
State Police Troop D budgeted $183,166 for gasoline last year and will spend more than that by this year’s end.
Edmonson said he has tried to make every level of personnel aware of the increases. He tightened use of departmental vehicles to only work-related travel, such as patrol and going to court cases.
“We also have troopers focusing on problem areas in each parish instead of only general patrolling,” Edmonson said.
His largest planned change is the concept of parish troopers based in a rural parish’s sheriff’s office.
Rather than having them drive to the troop headquarters every day, which can be up to 80 miles in rural areas, for daily troop meetings, parish troopers would report to troop headquarters about every two weeks.
Equipment issues
All law enforcement agency leaders are hearing the complaint about why they use gas-guzzling cars like Crown Victorias and sport utility vehicles.
The vehicles used are selected because they are the most reliable for law enforcement, they say.
The Crown Victoria, Chevrolet Tahoe and Dodge Charger are “pursuit-rated” vehicles, meaning they are deemed suitable for highspeed pursuit and emergency driving.
This is determined by annual tests done by the Michigan State Police.
The Michigan State Police Precision Driving Unit uses Chrysler Motors’ Vehicle Testing Grounds just outside of Detroit to test things like acceleration time, top speed, emergency handling and braking capabilities of various vehicles.
The tests, funded by Chrysler, Ford and General Motors, are done on a twomile test track of hills, curves and corners.
The only other agency that conducts this level of tests is the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department’s Annual Law Enforcement Vehicle Test and Evaluation Program.
original article: http://bit.ly/82rj8Q
Video: Wings of Freedom Tour
March 4, 2009 - Lake Charles, La
link: http://www.americanpress.com/lc/blogs/wpphotos/?p=113
link: http://www.americanpress.com/lc/blogs/wpphotos/?p=113
Law enforcers stand by Taser usage, policies
*published Sept. 7, 2009
BY VANESSA C DEGGINS
Despite the controversy surrounding the usage of Tasers and less-than-lethal weapons, many law enforcement agencies stand by the devices.
In a recent incident, a Taser was used on a 14-yearold autistic boy, which has raised questions about the use of the devices.
On Aug. 31, Lake Charles police officers were questioning the boy’s twin brother, who was a suspect in a robbery.
The officers heard someone scream, turned and saw another person coming towards them.
“The officers initially dodged the young man, which caused him to fall on the suspect, who we later determined was his brother,” said Lake Charles Police Sgt. Mark Kraus.
When officers tried to pull the boy off the ground, he reportedly bit one officer and scratched the other in the face.
The autistic boy’s sister later said she screamed at an officer not to use a Taser on him because he was autistic, but he ignored her.
The mother believes the officers were big enough to physically restrain her son and considered the use of the Taser unnecessary force.
“He (the officer) said he did not remember hearing the sister at all, but the entire situation happened very quickly,” Kraus said.
Less-than-lethal option
The use of force is an issue that law enforcers and residents tend to disagree on.
“For us, force is based on reasonableness, totality of the circumstances and the necessity,” said Lt. Frank Adams, who oversees training in the city police department. “Do I have time to use a Taser to stop this threat?”
Most law enforcement agencies in the parish use Tasers and other less-than-lethal weapons that include impact batons and pepper spray.
All officers and deputies are required to be stung by Tasers for five seconds before they are allowed to carry the device.
Adams said that officers very rarely have the option of 20/20 hindsight, especially when they are in a rapidly evolving, uncertain situation.
“Some tend to focus on one single circumstance and say this changes everything,” Adams said. “And it may be a determining factor, but it does not make the whole situation go away.”
Adams said officers have to prepare themselves on the way to any call.
“If that person has a previous violent criminal record, the officer has to consider that he’s less likely to comply,” Adams said.
Adams said over a 10-year period, less-than-lethal weapons have led to a reduction in suspect and officer injuries.
“And that translates to less taxpayers’ dollars going to medical care and worker’s compensation,” Adams said. “We’ve had officers who have had to retire because of injuries from fighting with a suspect.”
He said over a five-year period, fewer than 1 percent of those who were hit by Tasers died as a result of it.
“I just can’t see it as a fair trade to take away the mosteffective less-lethal weapon because of what happened to less than 1 percent of the total,” Adams said.
OFFICERS EXPLAIN AND DEMONSTRATE LESS-THAN-LETHAL WEAPONS:
Dealing with mentally ill
Lt. David Anders with the department’s Crisis Intervention Team, or CIT, addressed the issue of dealing with mentally ill subjects.
CIT-trained officers go through a 40-hour training course which helps them recognize the behaviors people with certain mental illnesses. These officers will make in-thefield decisions over whether subjects they encounter will need to go to the hospital for evaluation instead of jail.
Anders said the program is voluntary, but most patrol officers have been through the training.
“And there are times when a person may be having an episode and you can’t talk to them to calm them down,” Anders said.
Anders said that through the CIT, the city and parish regularly consult with the Southwest Louisiana chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness for all training.
“In dealing with the families of the mentally ill, they are not happy that their child was tased, but you stop and look at the options,” Anders said. “Someone could get hurt, have broken bones and, God forbid, we go to deadly force.”
Clarice Raichel, executive director for the Southwest Louisiana chapter, helped craft the CIT training and said the use of a Taser should always be last result after attempts to verbally de-escalate the situation fails.
She expressed her support for the CIT program, citing a big change in law enforcement attitudes and perceptions toward the mentally ill.
“I’m going to suggest a scenario of an encounter with an autistic person for the next round of training,” Raichel said.
Determining use of force
Both the city and parish require officers to fill out useof-force reports for any incident. The report is reviewed by a shift supervisor, who, in most cases, goes to the scene of the incident.
Commander James McGee with the Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office said he also reviews the reports.
Use-of-force techniques vary in levels of force, and there is no set protocol of which type of force the officer has to use first.
“The officer has the training and discretion to use what weapon or type of force they feel that is necessary,” McGee said. “They are the ones that are there with the subject.”
A little history
The Taser, an acronym for Thomas A. Swift Electric Rifle, was invented by NASA scientist Jack Cover in 1970. Tom Swift was the main character of a early 1900s novel series.
The Los Angeles Police Department in 1974 were the first major department to put the device to use, according to the June 2005 issue of the Police Disciplinary Bulletin.
original article: http://bit.ly/8lhxNR
BY VANESSA C DEGGINS
Despite the controversy surrounding the usage of Tasers and less-than-lethal weapons, many law enforcement agencies stand by the devices.
In a recent incident, a Taser was used on a 14-yearold autistic boy, which has raised questions about the use of the devices.
On Aug. 31, Lake Charles police officers were questioning the boy’s twin brother, who was a suspect in a robbery.
The officers heard someone scream, turned and saw another person coming towards them.
“The officers initially dodged the young man, which caused him to fall on the suspect, who we later determined was his brother,” said Lake Charles Police Sgt. Mark Kraus.
When officers tried to pull the boy off the ground, he reportedly bit one officer and scratched the other in the face.
The autistic boy’s sister later said she screamed at an officer not to use a Taser on him because he was autistic, but he ignored her.
The mother believes the officers were big enough to physically restrain her son and considered the use of the Taser unnecessary force.
“He (the officer) said he did not remember hearing the sister at all, but the entire situation happened very quickly,” Kraus said.
Less-than-lethal option
The use of force is an issue that law enforcers and residents tend to disagree on.
“For us, force is based on reasonableness, totality of the circumstances and the necessity,” said Lt. Frank Adams, who oversees training in the city police department. “Do I have time to use a Taser to stop this threat?”
Most law enforcement agencies in the parish use Tasers and other less-than-lethal weapons that include impact batons and pepper spray.
All officers and deputies are required to be stung by Tasers for five seconds before they are allowed to carry the device.
Adams said that officers very rarely have the option of 20/20 hindsight, especially when they are in a rapidly evolving, uncertain situation.
“Some tend to focus on one single circumstance and say this changes everything,” Adams said. “And it may be a determining factor, but it does not make the whole situation go away.”
Adams said officers have to prepare themselves on the way to any call.
“If that person has a previous violent criminal record, the officer has to consider that he’s less likely to comply,” Adams said.
Adams said over a 10-year period, less-than-lethal weapons have led to a reduction in suspect and officer injuries.
“And that translates to less taxpayers’ dollars going to medical care and worker’s compensation,” Adams said. “We’ve had officers who have had to retire because of injuries from fighting with a suspect.”
He said over a five-year period, fewer than 1 percent of those who were hit by Tasers died as a result of it.
“I just can’t see it as a fair trade to take away the mosteffective less-lethal weapon because of what happened to less than 1 percent of the total,” Adams said.
OFFICERS EXPLAIN AND DEMONSTRATE LESS-THAN-LETHAL WEAPONS:
Less than Lethal Devices from Vanessa Deggins on Vimeo.
Dealing with mentally ill
Lt. David Anders with the department’s Crisis Intervention Team, or CIT, addressed the issue of dealing with mentally ill subjects.
CIT-trained officers go through a 40-hour training course which helps them recognize the behaviors people with certain mental illnesses. These officers will make in-thefield decisions over whether subjects they encounter will need to go to the hospital for evaluation instead of jail.
Anders said the program is voluntary, but most patrol officers have been through the training.
“And there are times when a person may be having an episode and you can’t talk to them to calm them down,” Anders said.
Anders said that through the CIT, the city and parish regularly consult with the Southwest Louisiana chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness for all training.
“In dealing with the families of the mentally ill, they are not happy that their child was tased, but you stop and look at the options,” Anders said. “Someone could get hurt, have broken bones and, God forbid, we go to deadly force.”
Clarice Raichel, executive director for the Southwest Louisiana chapter, helped craft the CIT training and said the use of a Taser should always be last result after attempts to verbally de-escalate the situation fails.
She expressed her support for the CIT program, citing a big change in law enforcement attitudes and perceptions toward the mentally ill.
“I’m going to suggest a scenario of an encounter with an autistic person for the next round of training,” Raichel said.
Determining use of force
Both the city and parish require officers to fill out useof-force reports for any incident. The report is reviewed by a shift supervisor, who, in most cases, goes to the scene of the incident.
Commander James McGee with the Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office said he also reviews the reports.
Use-of-force techniques vary in levels of force, and there is no set protocol of which type of force the officer has to use first.
“The officer has the training and discretion to use what weapon or type of force they feel that is necessary,” McGee said. “They are the ones that are there with the subject.”
A little history
The Taser, an acronym for Thomas A. Swift Electric Rifle, was invented by NASA scientist Jack Cover in 1970. Tom Swift was the main character of a early 1900s novel series.
The Los Angeles Police Department in 1974 were the first major department to put the device to use, according to the June 2005 issue of the Police Disciplinary Bulletin.
original article: http://bit.ly/8lhxNR
Abuse victims share stories to give hope, raise awareness
*published Oct. 25, 2009
BY VANESSA C. DEGGINS
Domestic abuse is considered one of the least-reported crimes.
Denial by the victims that abuse has occurred is a factor in that, according to Jennifer Couvillion with the Calcasieu Women’s Shelter.
“Domestic abuse runs the spectrum, from verbal abuse like constant criticism and put downs, on to sexual and physical abuse,” Couvillion said. “It’s about control, and the abuse, physical or not, is to maintain control over that person and environment.”
Couvillion said there is no set timeline to track an abuser.
“The abuser may go from zero to 10 in a week or it may take years,” Couvillion said.
Three victims of domestic abuse agreed to talk to the American Press about their past situations, why they stayed and how they found the courage to leave.
Their names have been changed to protect their identities.
‘That was normal’
Mary, 51, said she grew up around abuse.
“My father abused my mother, and she eventually left,” Mary said. “Then we moved into a very poor neighborhood.”
Mary said her neighbor and best friend also lived in an abusive home.
“I remember running home in the middle of the night because after her father beat her mother, he would attack the kids,” Mary said. “Abuse was always around me, and I thought abuse was only physical.”
Mary also was in the military. Most of the decorations in her office are medals and pictures from her 25 years in the Navy.
In 1998, she became a liaison for abused sailors.
“I was in court every day hearing about physical abuse, and one day, a social worker came in and started naming all these things.”
Mary said the social worker talked about how a woman’s husband criticized her appearance and found fault in everything she did. He also pressured her to perform certain sexual acts.
“And I thought, ‘that’s my life,’ but because my husband wasn’t punching me, I didn’t think it was abuse,” Mary said.
Mary said after she learned the full definition of abuse, she didn’t leave.
“I had been in two wars. I just thought, ‘Why whine about it?’ Because this was normal to me to constantly be criticized and put down,” Mary said.
But she said she internalized everything he said.
“I found myself depressed when I was alone. I cried a lot.”
She said one event made her realize the situation would get worse.
“His mother had to come live with us because of her Alzheimer’s,” Mary said. “One day he got so mad at her, he shook her until her false teeth fell out,” Mary said.
“I thought, ‘If he will do that to his mother, what would he do to me?”
But she still didn’t leave.
Finally, during an argument, her husband threw her on the ground and put his foot on her neck and threatened to kill her.
That night, she gave her daughter from a previous relationship two garbage bags and told her to pack everything.
“I told her, when I pick you up from school tomorrow, we are never coming back to this house.”
Mary said it was very hard right after the split, and she wanted to go back.
“He was very well-respected in the community. We were both highly ranked officers. He was always in church,” Mary said. “But it was all a mask.”
Mary said she even thought about sending her daughter to live with her grandmother, thinking her husband wouldn’t be so volatile if she wasn’t around.
And it wasn’t until after her divorce, that she learned her husband was verbally abusive to her daughter.
“When I got married, she changed and was very despondent,” Mary said. The then 12-year-old’s father was in prison, and her stepfather constantly told her she would end up the same.
Her daughter said all of his comments made her feel like he didn’t approve of her. He called her spoiled and overdramatic, and his children from a previous marriage would say the same things.
“She also overheard the things he said to me,” Mary said.
“After the divorce, I spoke to his ex-wife. When I told her about the verbal, sexual and physical abuse, her only reaction was, ‘Oh, he’s back at it again.’ ”
That’s when she learned that he had choked and almost killed his first wife.
‘Swept me off my feet’
Beth, 42, said she grew up in a strict household where you didn’t show your emotions.
“Early in my life, I had relationships with very controlling people,” Beth said. “The guy would try to control how I dressed and my actions, and I just thought that’s what love was.”
She said she never saw domestic abuse as a means of control.
“When I first met my husband, he swept me off my feet ” Beth said. “He was very charming and everyone loved him.”
Beth said her situation made a turn for the worse after she had their son.
“He was dealing with alcoholism, and he put me down a lot,” Beth said. “He had me convinced that I would never be happy, and that I couldn’t do anything right.”
Beth stayed for 11 years.
Her son, now 9 years old, remembers his father’s temper.
“He remembers when my husband got so mad he shot our TV,” Beth said. She and her son, then 4, went into another room to avoid an argument. But her husband followed them, with a shotgun.
“It sometimes seems that I have to re-parent him, because he does sometimes try to be very controlling with me,” Beth said. “I’ve had to set boundaries because he would scream and try to order me to do things. He saw that.”
The breaking point was when his alcoholism got really bad.
“He started walking around the house with a loaded gun,” Beth said. “I really had dreams of things changing and would always say ‘if he wasn’t an alcoholic.’ ”
Beth said her ex-husband has been through detox. “To this day, he says I should have known what to do to keep from making him mad. To this day, he’s never apologized.”
Her divorce was recently finalized. Beth has since had to file for bankruptcy and doesn’t have all the nice things her ex-husband’s six-figure salary bought.
“But now I can go home and go to bed and sleep.”
‘I stayed for the good times’
Morgan, 54, grew up in a household where her mother was the aggressor.
“She would attack my dad because he cheated on her.”
When her mother stabbed him, they divorced. Morgan said when she was dating her
husband, she thought he was perfect. “He was funny and romantic,” Morgan said.
“When we married and had children, he would cook and make sure the kids behaved and did their homework.”
Morgan said she remembered that he liked things his way a lot, but didn’t see it as controlling.
“When he didn’t want me to go somewhere, I thought ‘he loves me this much.’
”Her husband became addicted to drugs early in the marriage, and Morgan used that as another excuse for his behavior.
“And he would always convince me that I caused him to be controlling.”
When he got physical with her, Morgan fought back.
“I would tell myself that I’m doing the same thing as him, so I couldn’t complain.”
And Morgan had convinced herself that her marriage would last, unlike her parents.
“I had decided I would preserve my marriage at all costs,” Morgan said. “My dad was in my life growing up, but he wasn’t in the home, and I wanted my children’s father to be in their household.”
Over the course of 10 years, Morgan left and came back to her husband five times.
The final straw was an argument that took place in front of their youngest child.
“I threw a vase at my husband, and it broke all over the place,” Morgan said. “That’s when I realized, I can’t have my children thinking this behavior was OK.”
Morgan decided, for their sake, she had to seek a more stable life.
“When he was not being abusive, he was doing wonderful things, and this is your husband. You love him,” Morgan said. “And you always think things will get better.”
original article: http://bit.ly/6YEnpQ
BY VANESSA C. DEGGINS
Domestic abuse is considered one of the least-reported crimes.
Denial by the victims that abuse has occurred is a factor in that, according to Jennifer Couvillion with the Calcasieu Women’s Shelter.
“Domestic abuse runs the spectrum, from verbal abuse like constant criticism and put downs, on to sexual and physical abuse,” Couvillion said. “It’s about control, and the abuse, physical or not, is to maintain control over that person and environment.”
Couvillion said there is no set timeline to track an abuser.
“The abuser may go from zero to 10 in a week or it may take years,” Couvillion said.
Three victims of domestic abuse agreed to talk to the American Press about their past situations, why they stayed and how they found the courage to leave.
Their names have been changed to protect their identities.
‘That was normal’
Mary, 51, said she grew up around abuse.
“My father abused my mother, and she eventually left,” Mary said. “Then we moved into a very poor neighborhood.”
Mary said her neighbor and best friend also lived in an abusive home.
“I remember running home in the middle of the night because after her father beat her mother, he would attack the kids,” Mary said. “Abuse was always around me, and I thought abuse was only physical.”
Mary also was in the military. Most of the decorations in her office are medals and pictures from her 25 years in the Navy.
In 1998, she became a liaison for abused sailors.
“I was in court every day hearing about physical abuse, and one day, a social worker came in and started naming all these things.”
Mary said the social worker talked about how a woman’s husband criticized her appearance and found fault in everything she did. He also pressured her to perform certain sexual acts.
“And I thought, ‘that’s my life,’ but because my husband wasn’t punching me, I didn’t think it was abuse,” Mary said.
Mary said after she learned the full definition of abuse, she didn’t leave.
“I had been in two wars. I just thought, ‘Why whine about it?’ Because this was normal to me to constantly be criticized and put down,” Mary said.
But she said she internalized everything he said.
“I found myself depressed when I was alone. I cried a lot.”
She said one event made her realize the situation would get worse.
“His mother had to come live with us because of her Alzheimer’s,” Mary said. “One day he got so mad at her, he shook her until her false teeth fell out,” Mary said.
“I thought, ‘If he will do that to his mother, what would he do to me?”
But she still didn’t leave.
Finally, during an argument, her husband threw her on the ground and put his foot on her neck and threatened to kill her.
That night, she gave her daughter from a previous relationship two garbage bags and told her to pack everything.
“I told her, when I pick you up from school tomorrow, we are never coming back to this house.”
Mary said it was very hard right after the split, and she wanted to go back.
“He was very well-respected in the community. We were both highly ranked officers. He was always in church,” Mary said. “But it was all a mask.”
Mary said she even thought about sending her daughter to live with her grandmother, thinking her husband wouldn’t be so volatile if she wasn’t around.
And it wasn’t until after her divorce, that she learned her husband was verbally abusive to her daughter.
“When I got married, she changed and was very despondent,” Mary said. The then 12-year-old’s father was in prison, and her stepfather constantly told her she would end up the same.
Her daughter said all of his comments made her feel like he didn’t approve of her. He called her spoiled and overdramatic, and his children from a previous marriage would say the same things.
“She also overheard the things he said to me,” Mary said.
“After the divorce, I spoke to his ex-wife. When I told her about the verbal, sexual and physical abuse, her only reaction was, ‘Oh, he’s back at it again.’ ”
That’s when she learned that he had choked and almost killed his first wife.
‘Swept me off my feet’
Beth, 42, said she grew up in a strict household where you didn’t show your emotions.
“Early in my life, I had relationships with very controlling people,” Beth said. “The guy would try to control how I dressed and my actions, and I just thought that’s what love was.”
She said she never saw domestic abuse as a means of control.
“When I first met my husband, he swept me off my feet ” Beth said. “He was very charming and everyone loved him.”
Beth said her situation made a turn for the worse after she had their son.
“He was dealing with alcoholism, and he put me down a lot,” Beth said. “He had me convinced that I would never be happy, and that I couldn’t do anything right.”
Beth stayed for 11 years.
Her son, now 9 years old, remembers his father’s temper.
“He remembers when my husband got so mad he shot our TV,” Beth said. She and her son, then 4, went into another room to avoid an argument. But her husband followed them, with a shotgun.
“It sometimes seems that I have to re-parent him, because he does sometimes try to be very controlling with me,” Beth said. “I’ve had to set boundaries because he would scream and try to order me to do things. He saw that.”
The breaking point was when his alcoholism got really bad.
“He started walking around the house with a loaded gun,” Beth said. “I really had dreams of things changing and would always say ‘if he wasn’t an alcoholic.’ ”
Beth said her ex-husband has been through detox. “To this day, he says I should have known what to do to keep from making him mad. To this day, he’s never apologized.”
Her divorce was recently finalized. Beth has since had to file for bankruptcy and doesn’t have all the nice things her ex-husband’s six-figure salary bought.
“But now I can go home and go to bed and sleep.”
‘I stayed for the good times’
Morgan, 54, grew up in a household where her mother was the aggressor.
“She would attack my dad because he cheated on her.”
When her mother stabbed him, they divorced. Morgan said when she was dating her
husband, she thought he was perfect. “He was funny and romantic,” Morgan said.
“When we married and had children, he would cook and make sure the kids behaved and did their homework.”
Morgan said she remembered that he liked things his way a lot, but didn’t see it as controlling.
“When he didn’t want me to go somewhere, I thought ‘he loves me this much.’
”Her husband became addicted to drugs early in the marriage, and Morgan used that as another excuse for his behavior.
“And he would always convince me that I caused him to be controlling.”
When he got physical with her, Morgan fought back.
“I would tell myself that I’m doing the same thing as him, so I couldn’t complain.”
And Morgan had convinced herself that her marriage would last, unlike her parents.
“I had decided I would preserve my marriage at all costs,” Morgan said. “My dad was in my life growing up, but he wasn’t in the home, and I wanted my children’s father to be in their household.”
Over the course of 10 years, Morgan left and came back to her husband five times.
The final straw was an argument that took place in front of their youngest child.
“I threw a vase at my husband, and it broke all over the place,” Morgan said. “That’s when I realized, I can’t have my children thinking this behavior was OK.”
Morgan decided, for their sake, she had to seek a more stable life.
“When he was not being abusive, he was doing wonderful things, and this is your husband. You love him,” Morgan said. “And you always think things will get better.”
original article: http://bit.ly/6YEnpQ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
